I know there wasnt much I could do, but I'm genuinely fucking devistated.

Yesterday I had therapy. The type of therapy I am going through is a type of processing, so this particular session was pretty rough. I already had a long day at work so my therapist was like "you should take care of yourself and rest". and I thought, sure, I'll get myself a little treat and go home.

At the intersection before I turned into the plaza where the ice cream shop was (3 minutes away from my therapist's office) the tiniest black kitten ran across the road infront of me and collapsed on the sidewalk. A guy walking his dog and another guy on the scooter kinda just looked at the cat and kept walking. I pulled into the parking lot and ran over to the cat. It couldn't have been older than 3 months. It was so frail, its bones were sticking out, and he was completely limp. At first I thought he was paralized, but when i brought him into my car, he at least moved his font paws around a lot. It's mouth was open, tounge was sticking out, and was coughing/sneezing/making some kind of noise with it's mouth. At first I thought it was dehydrated, so I tried to pour a tiny bit of water into it's mouth, but i dont think it liked it very much. I looked up a vet emergency room, and the closest was 7 minutes away. I called them first and let them know what was going on. I was very anxious because i have never come across a kitten, especially a very sick one, so I couldnt really get the words out. I kinda was just like "I found a kitten laying on the side of the road idk what to do" so I dont think they understood it's condition.

It was meowing the whole way there and crawling around on my lap, so I thought it was okay. But as soon as I brought it inside, it had passed. literally in the 20 seconds it took from getting him out of my car and getting in the door.

I kept blaming myself, over and over. That I didnt know enough about it's condition (it was having severe respirtory issues, possibly pnenomia). That I took too long to find a vet. that I tried to give it water before carrying it back to my car. By making the wrong turn and having to make a u-turn. by swaddling it as I carried it in instead of keeping the kitten flat.

I cried for like a full hour and then went to a friends house so I could be in the company of someone for a bit. I came home to feed my own cat and cried some more while petting him. He was probably very confused.

I know its not my fault the kitten died. It probably had that condition for a long time and it got worse and worse. Considering people were ignoring it, it probably would have died alone on the sidewalk if I didnt stop and take it to the emergency room. I would have never even known or seen it if I didnt try to go and get ice cream. At least it got to die in the company of someone who cared, I guess.

Moral of the story, If you come across a cat with its mouth open and tongue out, it has severe respritory issues and cannot breathe through its nose. You need to make sure it's in a position where it can breathe properly, probably lying flat. You need to tell the vet asap about it's condition.

Can't wait to tell my therapist about this one next week!!!

And no, I didn't get to relax after therapy.